stop [ haunting ] my dreams ( c )

[LAILAH T. ALAVARA]

[atrb=border, 0, true][atrb=style, border-left: #8e4f4c 8px solid; border-right: #839175 2px dashed; background: #d8d8d8; padding-top: 16px; padding-right: 16px; padding-left: 16px; padding-bottom: 12px; -moz-border-radius: 10px; width: 368px;] what this love has done to me I can’t escape, only your love can save me. You’re the only one who matters, and the only one for me, Now I’m lonelier than ever only your love can save me. I’ve wanted this forever, but I want you all for me, You can put me back together, only your love can save me---------------------------------------------------------------- She thought he was her ever after instead he was the never to be and it hurt more than she thought possible. Wrapping her arms around her middle she could've sworn she felt the evening's warmth wrap around her tighter. Looking down as she walked, far too ashamed of the tears she shed for someone who seemingly didn't care, she tried her best to stifle the sound of her heartbroken sob. She needed her sister more than ever but she couldn't know - not of him or her deceit. However way you looked at it Elves and Vampires weren't meant to be they were polar opposites and yet in a dysfunctional way they'd worked at least she thought they did. They weren't the best of friends - heaven knows it would've hurt a lot more if they had been - but there was something there that she couldn't put her finger on. Blasted emotions and hell to feeling them so deeply. Deeply. That was putting it mildly. She cared deeply but had somehow, somewhere between their secret meetings and talks, had fallen irrevocably head over heels for him. It was different for the humans they used the word love for different things and love for someone else was freely given, taken back and given to someone else every other day. It was flippant for them but changing for her race and that was the reason it hurt her so much. Lailah recalled that day a lot more than she should've and the stabbing pain in her chest didn't lessen as the days dragged on. Changing direction she settled under a tree if it could even be called that. It's bark grey, it's trunk twisted and bent toward the ground and it's branches naked. Her mother had often told her that for every elf was a tree especially reserved for them and Lailah had no doubt this one was hers. Ever since she'd returned it's health and vitality left and now, at the very bottom, it was a ghostly version of itself. Placing her head against the ash coloured bark she pulled her body up to curl up against it as she wept "stupid Lailah oh so very stupid you are. Listening to vampires, falling for lies and false feelings, stupid elf! Doesn't like you, told you to leave, look at yourself. Crying, sobbing; your own fault! Should've run, should have covered your ears and blocked his lies out!" Her words were whispered and her body trembled as each sob torn through her delicate body and yet she knew, deep down, had he have been there he'd have made her feel better. She touched at the bark of the tree, her fingers working over the bark softly "oh, Thatulo, what have I done?" Turning on her side she pulled her dirty feet under the soft, warmth of her dress "I beg you take it away, make me forget, make the pain go away. I'll never do it again, I swear it." Again the subtle warmth of the evening wind grew stronger around her and her shivering subsided as she sniffed "you hear me, don't you? Help me, I'm sorry, I didn't want this. Wanted to make him see like us, learn from us, didn't want to love him" the word came out before she even realised what she was saying and with it she buried her face into the musky, old smelling tree. Nature was comforting to her, smelling such purity did ease her burdened soul, but it didn't stop her thinking, wishing and above all else praying. Lailah missed him considerably but she was resentful for the feelings that came with it. There was no doubt that if he ever turned up again on her metaphorical doorstep she'd - albeit cautiously - give him all the time he wanted but things were different. He wasn't there, he never would be again, she'd banished him and he, in turn, had turned her away without a second thought as to her feelings. It was so much more than rejection; she'd risked a lot in going there not only because of the dangers involved but the things she'd left behind. What if her sister woke up, found her missing and searched for her? What if after all that searching she'd assume the worst and grieve? What if those assumptions were true to life and some rogue vampire had taken her down? What if he'd done it himself or his brother? Those questions would never have to be answered. She'd got back safely physically but broken and even now in her beloved forest with her family and friends she still couldn't manage to put herself back together. She couldn't manage to keep him and she couldn't manage to put herself together when he'd dropped her it begged for an answer to what could Lailah actually manage and at the moment the answer was simple: not very bloody much! The elf had no idea how long she stayed curled up against that old tree having fallen asleep in the middle of her misery but when she finally woke up there was no light filtering through the trees and the warm air around her had been replaced by the cold, stillness of the night. The irony, really, was infuriating. Lifting herself up she found her body stiff and her face damp with moisture; neither of which she appreciated. Picking up the finely laced dress she patted her face lightly but her hands soon found her eyes to wipe at them. She looked around with bleary eyes and squinted a little not quite out of her sleepy haze. There was nothing there save for her trees not even an animal stirred in the bushes. The elven beauty frowned as she pulled her senses together and got to her feet using the withered tree as support. Letting it all out had done her some good at least even if it would only last a short while. Memories were much more long lasting and an evening of bawling her eyes out would do nothing for removing them. Shaking out her long hair, not the least bit phased at the leaves and dirt that clung to it, she stepped away from her make-shift bed and walked several inches away from it peering out and around the shadows "nothing there" she muttered before trekking back toward the comfort of her own home. Being so close to the outskirts was dangerous and sleeping there as well as being so vulnerable was chancing her luck way more than falling in love with a creature that had wounded her so badly. tag: closed words: a lot template by eliza @ shadowplay