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Post by julian on Oct 14, 2010 7:30:27 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] E I G H T[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Julian is so not happy.  Bwahahaha! [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
Julian was not a child; he understood that there were going to be complications in their relationship, and that it was never going to be easy, but the optimist in Julian seemed to conquer everything when it came to Mazzy. She gave him a reason to want to look at the brighter sides of things. It hurt him to know that she was dwelling on the more negative side of things. That... she couldn't bring herself to look at the light with him on this. That she couldn't bring herself to have faith. Had he not proven, time and time again, that he was willing to do anything for her? All she had to do was ask, and he would lay down blade and life for her. He would never ask the same of her in return, but that was just because he would never want to live in a world without her. As pathetic as it was, he felt as though his heart would die if she were to ever leave him. Whether she left him and continued on her life's path without him, or passed onto the great unknown. The thought hurt him more than words could ever express. In truth, he didn't want to express such sentiments. That would just be one more reason to be afraid of this moment. Afraid of this fight. Sure, they had fought before, and they had fought rather hard. But he had never... Been afraid that she was going to turn on her heel and leave him. Not like right now.
Swallowing, he continued to express the way that he felt. Anger, sadness... Emotions circled around inside of him. Each emotion was less discernible from the other. It was almost as though he had gathered up all of his emotions, and threw them up in to a whirlpool. All of the colors had started to fade in the water, each color becoming less and less noticeable as the seconds passed. He wished that he could find the words to explain how he was feeling; the doubts that she was experiencing and how badly that hurt him. The anger that he wasn't good enough. The sadness for the same reason. But, in the back of his mind, there was the 'fight or flight' instinct. All he wanted to do was gather up his breaking heart, and walk away before it ever had a chance to fully break. Did Mazzy know the control that she had over him? All she had to do was blink and he would find himself an empty, hollow shell of the man that he used to be. For the first time since they had gotten together he found that he doubted. That he was uncertain. His dark eyes grew darker at the thought. How could something so beautiful break him in the way that it was? How could something that drove him to continue make him suddenly want to stop? Stop and run? Biting at the inside of his cheek, he felt flesh tear away. It was a nervous habit of his, and one that seemed to be keeping him composed at the moment.
As he approached her, he watched the look of defeat cross her features. She opened her mouth to explain what was going through her head, but found that words were falling short. At least, they were in the same regard there. Julian couldn't explain everything that was going on through his head. It would have been frustrating to watch as Mazzy effortlessly put the pieces together while he found that his tongue was tied. His muse was busy attempting to hurt him, instead of aiding him toward explaining what he was feeling, and that... That thought, destroyed him. Did she really wish such ill intentions on him that she would pluck the tongue from his mouth, forbidding his most crucial truths to escape his lips. A part of him wanted to be angry when their lips met. He wanted to show her his frustration, but he knew that it was more important to show her the love that still burned for her in his breast. He wouldn't give up on this. Giving up was something that Julian didn't do, even now that he found that it was a thought that was plaguing him. As the kiss broke, he found that the only thing that could escape his lovers lips were a stammered apology. Licking his lips, he frowned for a moment, his attention being dragged toward the ground. "Don't you think I'm afraid too, Mazzy?" he asked, his voice betraying how badly he hated admitting such things. But, it was true. He was scared of the future... Scared of whatever it held for him. But he was still willing to stand there and fight. Still willing to cling to her for dear life, in hopes that someday this would all be worth it... With a new babe growing in her womb, and his ring upon her finger.
Mazzy's hand moved to his face which caused him to turn his face back toward her. He couldn't... Not look at her when her hands were on him. Right now, all he wanted to see was her eyes filled with love for him. He wanted to see need there. He wanted to know that she didn't want to leave him. That... they would make it through this.. Together. But, something inside of him had started to grow cold after this fight. The thought that something this beautiful could tear him apart... It was alarming to say the least. Love was never something that he had thought was dangerous. He had always seen it as something beautiful, and necessary for the world to continue turning. Yet, here he was, shaking in his boots like a scared little boy tasting what it felt like to have the steel of a blade pressed against another's. But, he pushed those thoughts aside; those dark lurking emotions aside, just for the sake of listening to what Mazzy had to say with open ears. "I love you, too, and... I really do want to marry you. I do, and I know it because that's something I was never reluctant to do... but it plagues my mind, every day, because I want it so bad, and it scares me... I... like I said, 'm not as strong as you..." Julian growled and shook his head. His hands found her face, and pulled her to him. "Don't say that you're weak. Ever. Again." he said, a touch of warning in his voice. He would never lay his hands on her, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't drive his fist through a wall in anger. Julian had always had a bit of a temper. He had damn good control over it, but sometimes, he simply had to let the beast that lurked beneath his flesh out to the surface, lest he found that the beast began to grow too powerful with each passing day, and take him over.
"I'm..." He bit his lip and looked to the side, praying to the Gods that he had the strength to admit everything that was going through his head. His pride couldn't stand in the way. Not this time. "I'm just as scared as you are. I... Never thought that I'd fall so totally, completely, irrevocably in love with someone as I am with you. And that is... alarming to say the least." he said, pressing his forehead against hers. "If you asked me to lay down my life and my blade for you, I would without a moments hesitation. I would do anything that you asked of me. I gave you my submission when I gave you my heart. I serve you, yet I'm the one to take the throne." he said, allowing the small joke to happen, for the sake of possibly getting a smile, or a chuckle out of her. This was too much to be happening right now. So soon after her losing the child... The thought of hurting her any further was devastating to him. He simply wanted this all to go away. "Who I decide to take as a Queen is my business." he said, knowing full well that it was a lie; knowing full well that it wasn't his decision. Not even after he took the Throne. However, he would fight for it. He already had ideas in mind as to how he would be able to take his rightful Queen as his own. The first step, however, was getting Mazzy's family made into nobility. Somehow... Somehow he would make it happen. He had to. At her profession of feeling weak, Julian took her hand and pressed it to his heart. "As long as our hearts continue to beat as one, you will always have strength. I give mine to you willingly, Mazzy. Call upon it when you need it."
Mazzy pulled away from him and pressed her back to the wall. She sunk to the ground, and he felt, for the first time, what it was like to watch someone that he loved falter. Moving to sit down beside her, he gathered her up in his arms, warming the shaking limbs hoping that simply by sending 'soothing energy' to her that she might be able to calm herself down. One thing was for certain. He wouldn't let her walk home by herself today. Consequences be damned. Pressing a light kiss to her hair after the apology, she nodded his understanding. "We're all allowed to be weak. You even more so, considering you've never permitted yourself to truly feel it before." he said, quietly, his fingers tracing light patterns around her skin. "I love you, Mazzy." he said, quietly, pressing another kiss to her hair. Julian made a promise to himself today; he would never call her his wife. Not until she was.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 14, 2010 10:45:45 GMT -6
All over again, she felt selfish in her speech. Relationships, she had found, did that to a person. It really brought out your worst sides, and they constantly tested just how strong the bond between two was. Between her and Julian, there had been many of these tests from the very beginning. Being such different people made them clash in many areas, like now. Julian, with his profound statements, professing his love minute my minute in not only words, but actions, and Mazzy, always rolling her eyes, taking things realistic and constantly having to cast down her dreams. That was one reason why wrapping her head around this was so hard for her. She loved Julian, this was true... of course it was true. However, she had been a dreamer like him for so long, but much quieter and only to herself. But because of her standing and her mothers blunt way of putting her down, she cast these daydreams aside and refused to allow herself to hope, because she had found that hope hurt. Mazzy reasoned that, if she did not allow herself to hope, not getting that dream, which often happened, didn't hurt so bad. It wasn't as far as a fall, because she wasn't expecting it. That was how she was used to living... Julian could snap his fingers and almost anything he wanted could happen. Of course he was allowed to have dreams and aspirations. They actually has a possibility of happening to him...
But his words, as they always did, comforted her, and gave her hope. Even if a dream of hers was crushed, now, she had his arms to fall into. But he was afraid too... of course he was. And whining about how she was afraid was fruitless, and she felt extremely embarrassed for doing so. All that she wanted to do now was apologize, do anything in her her power to make up. She had hurt him so badly... she wondered how many times over the last year had she hurt him? Being... well, Mazzy like she was, she was certain this wasn't the first. No... she could give examples that this wasn't the first time she had hurt him with her insensitivity. She really needed to work on being kinder with what she said, more thought out instead of spitting out the first thing that came to mind. Julian had to put up with to much, being with her... it was a wonder he did it. If she had to put up with herself, she didn't think she could do it. Feeling small and rather pitiful, she allowed him to gather him into her arms, letting herself be weak, if only for this brief moment in time.
The warning has silenced her completely. That sterness... in all honesty, a deep part of her that she refused to admit liked it. That was a side of Julian she rarely got to see, the side that wasn't all flowery and poetic, the side that was dark and serious. But considering she liked all sides of Julian for different reasons, this one was no exception. Hearing that change in tone made him more real to Mazzy, in a sense. He seemed to perfect in her mind, and even after all the time they had spent together and all they had done, untouchable. As if she would never rise to his level. As strong as she liked to seem, she really wasn't... even if she didn't say it out loud, she knew it. He was at a level beyond her, she felt... and hearing him speak of his love, talk about serving her while he takes the throne... such sweet words. Mazzy was never spoken to like he spoke to her. Then again, no one was quite like Julian. That thought made her smile a bit to herself. There was no one quite like Julian, which was certianly one of the many reasons she loved him so much. No one before had offered to take on her burdens, had whispered such dreams and fantasies in her ears that made her heart go crazy and her mind turn to goo, so she felt like a little girl again. No... there as no one quite like Julian. There could never be anyone quite like Julain. Which was why he would make a good king later on.
'He really will make a wonderful king...' she thought, leaning against him as he continued on. He had said he had control of who he took as his queen... which she wanted to believe but couldn't bring herself to. She knew of no family who would want their son marrying a girl on such a low lever compared to them. Her kind wasn't for him... only nobles were worthy. But she found it didn't bother has as much as it would. His words gave her mind rest, and she realized she was doubting less and less. Closing her eyes, she lay still to enjoy his touch again. How could she be so silly... she felt strange, as if she had just been standing on the edge of a high cliff inches from plunging into death and someone had yanked her back. Every fight they had made her feel hollow afterwords, like she was shell shocked at the realization that she could have possibly lost him. Losing him... she didn't want to think about that. Snuggling closer, she smiled a slow smile, looking up at him after he kissed her head.
"I love you too... forgive my selfishness and... stupidity" she said, shaking her head before laying it against his chest, looking at the gems sparkling in the wall across from them. All over again, she was reminded of its beauty, like the day they had first met in the cave. How long ago that seemed... but at the same time, it only felt like yesterday. The feeling she felt when she had first seen it came back like she hadn't felt it in ages. Love reminded one of the beauty around them... the beauty of their situation. They were in love... how could she be unhappy? Love was once a fantasy in her mind, yet... here they were.
"And yet you hold me up... my you really must love me" she said with a light, genuine laugh that only lasted a moment, but a good moment as she felt herself coming out of her gloomy state. Here they were, two people, in love, afraid of what life would bring... but the fear wasn't overwhelming when you had someone to share it with. She wanted to always share it with him...
"I will never doubt you again. I trust you. And when you want to marry, just say it. I want to be with you forever... I know it."
Her hand reached for his, grasping it tightly as she looked up at him again. That face... the charm and regalness he held, his eyes... it was like her mind was going through a check list of the little things she had slowly fallen for.
"... I still have that first rose, you know..." she said, hesitating a bit as she felt embarrassed at admitting her more girly behavior that she didn't often display, "I have all of them... I keep them, and your letters, in a little box, and I read them when I mess you and touch the rose petals... it really helps... I never thought I'd fall. In love, I mean. I never wanted to fall, because I was afraid I'd let myself go and no one would catch me... but here you are..."
Wrinkling her nose, she giggled a bit, putting her hands over her face.
"Oh listen to me... I'm starting to sound like you... I think you're affecting me in some way" she said, peeking out of her fingers at him, hands covering an embarrassed grin. He made her so happy... he never failed to make her happy. All he had to do was be there and her day instantly got brighter. The smiles, the I love yous, the playful comments, the intimacy, and the affection... they were all pluses.
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, she wants him to be happy again, she feels bad T.T
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 17, 2010 9:08:30 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] N I N E[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Julian is like a puppy with ADD. I swear. [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
Julian made a small clucking noise with his tongue. Using his nose and his lips, he pushed her hair from her face, dragging his lips along her flesh. Closing his eyes, he attempted to push his pain away; attempted to wash away every little doubt and insecurity that he felt at the moment. Mazzy was worth more than that to him. Their time together was so scarce that he didn't want to ruin that time by fighting with one another. He didn't want to ruin that time. Every time he left her, he wanted to feel as though that had a wonderful day, and wanted to remember it fondly. It would be a driving force in his returning to her side; something that would make him want to continue coming back to her. What was to happen if he left, not feeling that way? He would spend that time away from her dwelling on how badly he had hurt her. Or, how badly she had hurt him. That was not the way that he wanted his mind to work when it came to her. She was special to him; his everything. He would never permit anything but beautiful thoughts of her to enter his mind. "Don't apologize, please." he said, quietly, breathing in her scent. "We all have moments like that. It's normal." he said, not wanting to admit to the fact that he himself had never had a thought like that about their relationship. Realistically, however, he understood what she was going through; and he could bring himself to see things through her eyes, as much as it pained him.
As her eyes scanned the wall of the Cavern, he found himself doing the same. This was their meeting place.. A place of importance between the two of them. Sure, it was a bit of a journey for both of them, but it was well worth it to see one another. This place held so many memories for the two of them. With a smile he turned to watch her as she scanned the gems. Pressing a light kiss behind her ear, he found himself wondering what it would be like to not have to hide anymore, like he had so many times before. It was a feeling that he wanted to know, instead of dream about... But, that was in their future, not for them right now. Squeezing her tighter, he rested his head on her shoulder, making sure to keep the bit of scruff on his chin away from her flesh. He had never been 'unshaven' in front of her, but it was clear that his five o'clock shadow was starting to come in. He had skipped his normal preparations to come see her, due to being in such a rush. When she cracked the joke about him truly loving her, he couldn't help but smile in return. That laugh... That laugh always brought joy to his heart. It always made him happy to know that he could evoke such a reaction out of her. Grumbling playfully in her ear, he 242a1e]Yes, yes I do love you! I love you so much that I'm going to tickle you for pointing out the obvious!
[/color]" he said, pressing his face into her neck as he continued to tickle her. He'd do anything just to hear her laugh... Just to see her smile. Their conversation turned more serious when she grabbed his hand. Licking his lips, he gave her a small smile. " I promise you, that when that time does come..." he trailed off, inching closer to her. " I won't give you the option of saying 'no.'" he grinned, ducking back for, what in his mind, was going to be an inevitable 'indignant' smack. Whether that be to his arm or chest, he wasn't aware. But he curled up and prepared himself for the blow. He'd look awfully foolish if she decided that it wasn't worth hitting him over however. With a shit eating grin, he leaned forward and planted a light kiss on her lips. " I love you, Mazzy." he cooed, moving his hand to gently graze her cheek. " And I'm glad that you'll never doubt us again." he said, the grin falling from his lips. " You weren't just doubting me, Mazzy. You were doubting us." Pressing his nose against hers, he took a deep breath, hoping that these words wouldn't upset her. " I could build castles on the foundation of our relationship. I'm sure of it. And nothing would ever cause them to sway or crumble. I just wish that you would have been able to see that." The shit eating grin returned to his lips when she began to tell him about how she still had all of the roses, and all of the notes that he had written her. He found himself wanting to gather her up into his arms, only to smother whatever flesh was available to him with kisses... But such a thing would probably cause her to blush and feel foolish for such a confession. And he wanted her to continue; he wanted her to continue telling him that she was secretly as romantic as him. Pressing his nose against hers, he nipped at her lower lip, his eyes moving over her. " You, my dear lady, are a sap." he said, poking her cheek, a teasing tone to his voice. " And I am glad that I'm starting to bring that out in you. Perhaps, you'll start writing me sonnets of our love, and giving me roses!" he grinned. " Oh blessed be my heart." he swooned, a laugh escaping his lips as his hand flew to his heart. He flopped over onto his back, a grin still on his lips. " She slays me with such poetry. I think I've fallen in love all over again! Oooh! Whatever shall I wear to see her again?" he gasped, and mimicked a giddy girls laugh, his eyes locked on the ceiling of the cavern. Laughing outright, he rolled away from her, knowing that she might very well hit him this time. He wasn't making fun of her. He wanted to make her smile... An even broader smile than the one that she had given him before. [/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/i][/color][/size][/font] 1 , 0 3 9[/ul][/ul][/ul] |
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Post by mazzy on Oct 27, 2010 22:09:05 GMT -6
"... We all have moments like that".
Mazzy nodded, but inside she disagreed. Julian always seemed to hope, and be confidant in their love. He was always pressing, always fighting... but thinking on it, she saw that the thought of him doubting wasn't that unrealistic at all. She imagined him in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how he could have possibly gotten so deep in their situation, what all these feelings were whenever they met. Did he wonder what could have brought him to the state he was in? To be so committed... was he afraid he was too comitted? Was he afraid of getting hurt? Of being wrong? Mazzy did those things... she would lose sleep staring at her ceiling, all those doubts flooding her mind until she couldn't take it anymore, and snuck out for a short walk to clear her head in the night air. At the same time... this was Julian. And when he believed in something, he stuck to it unless proven wrong. He was so much stronger than her... in many ways, she was jealous.
When she felt the kiss behind her ear, she closed her eyes, turning her head to gently bump noses with him. She noticed the facial hair that had started to grow, realizing she had really never seen him with facial hair. Not that she minded it, of course. It was as attractive as his shaven face, and she reached up, brushing her fingers along his jaw, feeling the hair under her fingers as she smiled.
I could wake up next to that... she found herself thinking. In all honesty, waking up next to someone almost intimidated Mazzy. She knew for a fact she didn't look anywhere close to her best in the mornings. She looked like a bedhead of a wreck... but that thought didn't bother her when it came to him.
The tickles made Mazzy shriek, and she jumped, foot tapping rapidly on the ground, almost like a dog (which was a normal reaction, much to her embarrassment) as she struggled to get away from him. She released an uncontrolled giggle, high pitched along with the shrieks of "Stop! Stop!" that really had no feeling behind them... especially since she was laughing so hard. He knew her tickle stop well, damn him, which really wasn't fair. She hadn't gotten around to locating his, yet. So, she couldn't really pay him back in that respect.
The look in his eyes when he stated his promise had Mazzy captivated, like a child to sweets, staring wide eyed and longingly back at him... until the end. Which she did swat at him for, but playfully as she giggled lightly this time, shaking her head.
"You're hardly fair... you know I can't say no to you" she admitted, noticing the sensuous tone that slipped into her voice. Before she could make any other comment, he had kissed her again. One would think, as much as he kissed her, she would be set for another year or so. But the day after, she would miss those kisses already... no matter how many he gave.
"Castles..." she whispered, her lips brushing against his. The guilt from her doubting grew with his words, though, and she frowned, kissing him again almost as if saying another sorry... though he had asked her not to apologize. Mazzy needed to, though... she needed to show him she trusted him... trusted them. Words weren't enough for her... no matter what he said. She needed to think of something to do for him... like the roses and letters, but something she could do.
'All I can do is carry meat' she thought bitterly, but pushed the negative thoughts aside. There was no room for that... she needed to plan something.
Her cheeks and quite possibly her nose was still red from her confession. He seemed pleased to hear it, though... which was her goal. She wanted to make him feel better, so she had admitted it for his sake more than her own. But when he went off on his rant, she half wished she had never said anything on the matter at all. She was sure she was red by now, and rolled her eyes, feeling her more defensive side some out, though it was calmed by the endearing feelings that filled her as well. At the laugh, she crawled over him, trapping him between her hands, one on either side of him as she wore a scowl... or tried to wear a scowl. It didn't work. A smile was quickly breaking though.
"Oh I bet that's what you want to hear, hm? Well sap or not, don't count on any poetry I... I can't even write, you know..."
Again with the embarrassment. Leaning down, she kissed him, coming back up with a full smile.
"I'll admit it... you've made me go soft. I hate it sometimes, I'll all emotional and... swooning everywhere" she said, playfully hitting his chest for the teasing, "But most times, I like it. Never laugh like that again, though"
To that, she laughed, and sighed, feeling the weakness from her movement setting in, laying her head on his chest with a sigh.
"... One day, when I learn to write, I'll write you a letter. And it won't be as beautiful as any of yours but... I'll try my hardest. All for you... I thought I hated you, at first. I really did... I would get so mad when I saw the letters, then I would take them and stuff them in that box... but then, I realized I was keeping them, and going back and reading them..."
Smiling fondly, Mazzy took his hand, locking her fingers with his as she sighed. His chest was her favorite pillow in the would. It was strong and warm and played her favorite sound in the world: his heartbeat. She swore she could lay there for years... how she longed to spend an evening in his arms, wake up beside him in a nice warm bed in the palace or something... and say "Good morning", then have breakfast together and spend the day together. Little fantasies, things she thought of nightly before falling asleep. Wild dreams... that didn't seem to far off and wild when Julian was near.
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, huzzah! i have posted, finally! sorry for the horrible delay, and i hope its not too rusty :3
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Bwahahaha!