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Post by mazzy on Oct 7, 2010 22:56:47 GMT -6
It was funny, the effect one's mood had on their surroundings. Since Mazzy had woken up that morning, everything seemed dull and pale. It had been a perfectly nice and sunny day, nice breeze, puffy clouds. But when she saw the flock of birds flying overhead, she was reminded of how they were going away, leaving... abandoning. The clouds seemed to have a looming hint of gray, and every action she did felt slow and pointless. Her mother has asked numerous times what was wrong with her. 'Whats on your mind, now?' she scolded, but Mazzy would only walk away, not answering. All day, she didn't think she had spoken once except to tell her father she had delivered all the meat and was going to be in bed for the remainder of the evening... which wasn't true. If it was true, she wouldn't be in the enchanted forest now.
Mazzy arrived at the cave five minutes ahead of time, just as she had planned. It was a familiar setting, an established meeting place she and Julian had unofficially called their own.
'Julian...' she thought, brushing her fingers along a large orange stone blinking next to her in the moon light streaming through the cave's mouth. Even the gems seemed duller. Thinking about Julian was even different now. Usually, she would think of him while walking down the street, a basket swinging at her arm, and smile to herself at the memory of him, but all she was filled with now was dread. Looking down at herself, she suddenly felt uncomfortable in her dress. It was one of her nicer dresses, though she didn't have many. She had noticed she could fit in it better.
The thought of that sent a nauseous feeling shooting through her stomach, and she sat against the wall, leaning her head back and closing her eyes, taking in deep breaths as she pulled her cape tight around her against the chilly air. It would be the third time that day that she got sick thinking about it...
'You need to do better than this, Mazzy' she scolded herself, realizing how much like her mother she sounded, 'You can't be weak about this...'
Of course, that was easier said than done. Mazzy hadn't exactly gone through a loss like this before...
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, its poo... but it'll get better next post i swear >.<
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 7, 2010 23:19:25 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] O N E[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Whee! :3 [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
He was nervous; giddy. He was excited... Already, on his way to the cave, he found himself sweating. The palms of his hand were thick with his nerves. With an exasperated growl at himself, he wiped his hands off on his black trousers. How was it that he always acted like Mazzy and him were to be meeting for the first time when he went to see her? How was it that she could still force his heart to jump into his throat when she kissed him? How was it that... Whenever he looked her in the eyes, everything else melted away in thew world? All of his sins were purged from his being, just by being around her. All stains were wiped clean from him... She was... She was his guiding light. A foolish grin came to his lips as his mind started working in rhymes, attempting to find the words to describe her beauty, her smile, her laugh...
Gods above, I'm a fool. He thought to himself. Pulling his black cloak tight around himself, he savored the smell of the fall air. Julian and Mazzy rarely had the time to see each other... Well, safely, at least. But, when they did get to see each other, they would sneak away to the Magic Cavern. There had been many a night that he would dream about sneaking away to meet her there, just to hold her throughout the night, surrounded by the mystical feeling walls... It seemed that only in dreams, he could call her his, and that bothered him a great deal. Due to his stature in life, and... her stature... It wouldn't be appropriate for the two of them to be together. Not to mention, he was already betrothed to marry a woman that not only paled in comparison in beauty, but also, in intellect. Why his parents had chosen such an idiot for him... He would never understand.
Julian often thinks back to the day that he met Mazzy... How he had found her breath taking, even then, with the scowl upon her lips and a curt response gracing his ears. She was... Like a rose to him. So strong were the thorns, he knew that simply by standing too close he might suffer a prick or too, but the flower was so beautiful, it was all worth it. Because of that, he had started to come to town as often as possible. He'd stop by her father's butchery and leave her a rose with a little note attached to it. Sometimes, the notes would be comical, prodding her about some nasty thing she had said before, and sometimes... They were sweet. When he couldn't find the words to explain what was going through his mind, he'd simply say, "I've drained myself of the ability to speak; I should ask the Gods for more words to describe your beauty," or something along those lines. Sure, it horribly cheesy, but... Well, Julian wasn't all that well versed in the realm of romance. He just knew what he felt. And he knew that this felt right.
There was an added skip to his step today. As if the day wasn't good enough already for the simple fact that he was seeing his heart's true love... But his soulmate, his lover, his everything, was to bear his child! Perhaps, this was what he had needed to come clean to his parents about his affair. Surely, his father would understand, right? And then, Mazzy would become his princess, if only for the sake of avoiding a bastard child... But it would be better than nothing. These weren't exactly the terms that he would have wanted to make her a Murkrule... But the Gods had smiled upon them when they blessed his love with child. Pushing his finger through his long auburn locks, he found himself at the mouth of the cave. It took every ounce of restraint left in him to not simply run in.
Slipping the cloak off of his shoulders (almost certain that Mazzy had forgotten a blanket), he headed toward their familiar meeting place. The grin on his lips was threatening to engulf his face as he laid eyes on her. "My love..." he smiled, moving toward her. He picked her up in his arms and gave her a loving kiss. "Words cannot express how much I have missed you." he said, gathering her to him. Burying his face in her hair, he breathed in her scent. He needed this. All news could wait until he was done holding her... An embrace like this would help him fill journal upon journal of love sonnets for her. An embrace like this would keep his darker thoughts at bay... The love of his life, and the child that grew in her womb.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 7, 2010 23:40:33 GMT -6
The problem that currently pestered her thoughts most was how to tell him. That had been the first thing she'd though when she had figured out what was going on, why she was experiencing such pain, the bleeding...
Her hands went to her head, teeth grinding together as she pushed the memory away, her friend kneeling at the side, rubbing her back. She remembered all she wanted was Julian, for Julian to be there to hold her and make her forget the world and forget everything like she often did when he held her. Her hands trembled as she let them rest in her lap, taking another deep breath to calm herself. Now, she almost didn't want to see him, because seeing him meant telling him. And telling him... she couldn't stand to see him so disappointed. There were other phobias too, like what if he was so upset he left her? Or decided she was unfit to bear and disposed of her? What if he blamed her? What if it was all her fault? What if...
Mazzy heard his footsteps a few moments before hearing his voice, and looked up just in time to see his smile before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. As usual, she forgot. She forgot everything in that moment, and just clung to him, holding her face to his chest as he held her close, feeling a lump rise in her throat as all the days emotions started to hit her again. One thing she loved and hated about Julian was how weak he made her. When he touched her, she couldn't talk straight, and when he kissed her she got all dizzy and felt ready to swoon like the girls did when they wanted boys to catch them at jousts or fairs. But for once, when around him, she could simply be. No fighting to appear strong or brave, to appear unbreakable. But Julian broke her like a horse: she was tamed, now. And soft hearted. She bit her lip, looking up at him without bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes. He looked do handsome, as usual, and happy. Words from past letters and notes drifted through her head, causing a small smile to form on her lips. Smiles were hard to keep away with him around.
"You don't seem to be able to find words to express anything" she said, teasingly, and kissed him once more before stepping out of his arms, holding herself as if trying to make up for being apart from him again. If she hadn't pulled away, though, she would have never said what needed to be said. She would have simply forgotten for the rest of the night.
"I missed you beyond words too, but... Julian... we really..."
Weak. Mazzy felt weak all over again, and reached out, taking his hands in hers as she bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut to prevent more tears.
"We need to talk about something... important, Julian..."
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, gah.... i hate to ruin the moment T.T
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 8, 2010 0:00:00 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] T W O[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Oh, jeez. This is gonna suck. [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
Those lips... Gods above that was all that he had needed over the past couple of weeks since the last time he had held her in his arms. Her scent, her taste... She was his drug. She intoxicated him. She was the air that filled his lungs... Did she know just how much she meant to him? Did she know just how much he had needed her? Especially now since in her womb, she was carrying the product of their love. Their escape from this world... His escape from his fiancee, and the life that his parents expected him to live. Mazzy had done far more for him than she could probably ever understand. He just prayed that he had done something similar for her... Changed her for the better. Although, he seriously doubted that he had. How could one change perfection for the better? Was there a level above perfection? After all, she was all but a Goddess in his eyes. The thought of her being better than that... Well, she probably could, if only she set her mind to it. He had nothing but the utmost faith in her.
All relationships had the honeymoon phase, which quickly gave wake to the 'realization' phase. But, it seemed as though Julian never hit this part of their relationship. No matter what Mazzy did, she was still perfection in his eyes. He could never bring himself to say a bad word about her, because it would be nothing more than a lie. A woman as beautiful and as remarkable as her wasn't capable of doing him wrong. In fact, she wasn't capable of doing anyone wrong. The heart that beat in her chest was pure. She was the epitome of Good. Pulling back, he cradled her face in his hands. She's even more beautiful than I remember... he mused. Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, he gave her a once over. "Green suits you... Not just because it's my favorite color, mind you." he grinned. Pushing his fingers through her hair, he reveled in the feeling of the delicate tendrils on his calloused hands. He was in his moment of bliss.
At her tease, he chuckled and shook his head. "I find I have words for most everything. But I had my heart stolen by a wicked temptress about... a year or so ago. And it seems as thought she's been working on stealing my tongue." He grinned wolfishly, before pulling her in to plant another delicate kiss on her lips. It seemed as though he couldn't keep his hands away from her. He wanted to touch her, hold her... Kiss her... He just... Gods, he needed her. Even in his mind, he was struggling, attempting to find the words that he wanted to use to describe just how absolutely wonderful he thought she was. He sent her mind reeling... And quite frankly, he didn't mind. This world was too bitter for him to every truly appreciate looking at it with clarity. Viewing everything with these rose tinted glasses made life bearable. He was living a dream, now. Something that others would call a fairy tale... About two star crossed lover, one born into poverty, whilst the other flourished as a Prince. It was almost like a Cinderalla story... And Julian really liked the sound of that. Perhaps, he should invest in a pair of glass slippe--
And that was when he heard the urgency in her tone; the need. Panic took a hold of him, shattering the happiness that he had surrounded himself with. Paranoid thoughts flitted through his mind. Did his fiancee discover their infedelities? Did his father? Did her father? Oh, no... Perhaps he should have invested in a bigger blade... But, his facade never faltered, despite the fact that his mind was running rampant with the possibilities. Moving his hands to her arms, he gave her a concerned look. "What troubles you, love?" he asked, his brow furrowing as he searched her eyes. Pulling away, only briefly to throw his cloak onto the ground, he gestured that she should take a seat beside him so as to better speak on whatever was bothering her. Never once did the thought of their child being harmed come to his mind...
He didn't think it was possible for the Gods to be so cruel.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 8, 2010 0:28:05 GMT -6
"Is it your favorite color?" she asked, innocently, looking down at herself a moment before looking back up at him, batting her eyelashes. Her wardrobe had acquired a few more dark green articles over the past year. The things he told her, she seemed to never forget. Some things he said, she could recite word for word, even months later. Like the notes, and the letters. How silly she'd thought they were, when she had first started receiving them. She had laughed and laughed with her one close friend about it for near an hour, though her friend would keep saying "Well it is rather flattering". Flattering indeed, she would say, but that night, she found herself looking at that note nearly every time she passed the night stand where it sat, and had reached over and read it in the moonlight a few times before falling asleep with it in her hand. She had woken up saying she would throw it away... but it was sitting in the back of her closet in a little locked box of other letters and dried rose petals. At what point she fell for him she couldn't tell. Each day, she would roll her eyes and complain and say to her friend it was only to bed her... but that day she first met him in secret... something was different. And undeniably strong. Despite her desperate attempts to rise above it... she had fallen.
And hard.
The words "wicked temptress" had her laughing. Wicked she had been... no, she wasn't exactly the sweetest thing to grace the lands. Often times she would feel bad that she couldn't write flowery notes back and say long, beautiful sentences with such lovely, romantic words... she was almost jealous of it, because she felt as if she wasn't giving back what he had given her. The baby was supposed to be her gift back... making up for all the feelings she felt but couldn't put on paper. Mazzy wasn't the most artistic person out there, and she was only a decent writer. Most couldn't write in her part of town. Books were wonders, though: that was how she understood everything he said.
But temptress was such a silly word because of how much she had tried to push him away. She took it with a smile, though, returning every kiss with a slight rise on her toes.
But the news had to be said. Her face had become grim once more, and she longed for that happy place in Julian's arms, where she would forget and pretend none of this ever happened, and the only person that mattered in the world was him. He was such a light in her life... the world around her was growing so dark in so many ways. He made her remember that there was good to it, reasons to smile... he gave her another reason for living.
"I... something bad happened..." she said, then sat beside him, holding her knees to stop herself from snuggling against him. Every time she hurt from something, she would be longing for him... which was exactly why she couldn't, right now. She needed to hurt, because this needed to be addressed.
Now or never...
"Julian..." she started, and looked over at him, eyes melting from their dull state to a look of passion. Her fingers brushed his cheek, pushing through his hair as she felt herself grow teary... but she didn't try to wipe them away and look strong this time. She was weak... so very weak...
"You're wonderful... you know that?" she said, almost in a daze, "I don't know what I did to deserve you... but see... the baby. Two days ago, you see... I had these pains. Bad pains, and I started bleeding. I didn't understand it, I was so afraid..."
Her voice trailed off, and she pulled her hand away, hugging her knees again as she looked at the cave floor. She didn't even notice the colors shining at them on the wall... colors didn't exist in her world, right now.
"...I talked to my friend... we went to the stables, to check it out..."
Shaking her head, she put her hands over her eyes, shame washing over her.
"I don't know what happened... or what I did... I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to I... I did everything I could I... I don't understand... I lost it, Julian."
Mazzy bit her lip, looking away from him as tears started to fall down her cheeks.
"We lost the baby..."
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, 
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 8, 2010 1:05:45 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] T H R E E[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Oh, jeez. This is gonna suck. [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
"Oh, and innocent she is as well..." he mused, a hand going to his chest. He gave her a wicked grin before leaning toward her. Taking her lower lip between his teeth, he moved his hands over her frame, his good mood shining through his movements. "You were far from innocent the last time we met if you don't recall." he teased. Oh, the things he said, simply to get a rise out of her. He loved the way that her nostrils would flair in indignation... Or the way that she begrudgingly would burst into laughter at his antics. Everything that he did was about putting a smile on her face. Even if his world was crumbling around him, he would bend over backward just to make sure that she was enjoying herself; enjoying the life that they led together. He had said it before, and would say it over and over again, until his last breath; her eyes were far too beautiful for him to ever see them said. Taking her hand, he pressed it to his chest, the smile broadening on his lips. "Or were those the less than wholesome dreams I've been satisfying myself with over the past two weeks... I can't remember. You might need to remind me." he grinned wolfishly before kissing her finger tips once more. His heart was singing now; louder than it ever had before. He wanted to pick her up and dance with her... But not in the way that one would dance in Court, no... The way that lover's would dance when no one was looking. It was in moments like that that he could see the happiness in her; the beauty that she dare not let others see for some reason. Such a tough exterior with such a sweet soul... Yet again, he was rambling in his own thoughts. This woman was a sorceress, he was sure of it.
Not that he was complaining of course.
The bout of laughter that took over the both of them at Julian's loose usage of the phrase, 'wicked temptress' was well needed. At least, for his love. Just being around Mazzy gave him strength; strength that she couldn't begin to understand. How was he to be a King to a great nation when the Queen that he was supposed to take didn't make him want to fight for their land, or spread good will into the hearts of those that he was ruling over? Would his father not understand this..? Perhaps, he would if he was to see Mazzy the way that he did. Perhaps if he was to see the way that she glowe--
But there was no sparkle. No light shining beneath the surface. It seemed as though the pregnancy glow had left his lover. His face fell, as did hers. Something was wrong... Something was terribly, terribly wrong. His heart broke, yearning to hear the news escape her lips before his mind went to dark places that it shouldn't go to. But at the same time, his heart protested with his ears, begging them to shut in hopes of saving it from whatever heartache was to come. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he forced all visible signs of fear away from his features. Just as Mazzy always wanted to be strong for him, he wanted to be strong for her. The star that burned in her breast didn't seem as though it was burning at all... Something sinister was placing weight on the bright light, threatening to break it... To dim it to the point where even the most observant eyes couldn't see it. His fingers moved over her cheek. At this point, he couldn't tell if he was touching her to give her strength, or to anchor him to this world, this bitter reality. But his mind couldn't go to such a place. Not when she was in this much pain.
"I... Something bad happened..." His heart jumped into his throat, his dark eyes suddenly dimming as he watched her sink to the ground. What... Could it be? His mind didn't want to go to such places, but his heart... His heart wanted some warning. It wanted to brace itself for the inevitable shattering blow that was to come to him. Swallowing down the trembles that were about to take control of his voice, he nodded slowly. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Please love, tell me what is on your mind." he said, pushing aside the anticipation that was creeping into his voice. He felt himself working into a bit of a panic. It was unlike Mazzy to get worked up over anything. She was always the calmer of the two, always the more level headed one. She remained seated away from him. A frown creased his brow as he watched her. Was she..? She couldn't be ending things between them, could she? It would be her wish but... His heart would break. Had he done something wrong? Had he accidentally offended her, or made her feel less important? Was the stress of being a secret too much for her to bear? Questions, like smoke filled up his mouth and throat... He felt as though he were about to choke on them.
The dreaded news began... "You're wonderful... you know that?" He blinked a few times. Was she truly going to end the beautiful life that they had had for over a year? Had he walked into, effectively, what could've been the only thing that could destroy him? Slowly, he nodded, keeping his eyes locked on hers. Silently, he pleaded with whatever Deity was listening that their relationship wouldn't end... That this was just a hiccup in their life together... He could keep praying and hoping for the rest of his life, if he had to... He wasn't ready to let her go. "I don't know what I did to deserve you..." His lips parted to utter phrases of love and adoration; explanations of how she was far too amazing for him... When he was told the news.
The rest of the story fell on deaf ears. He turned his gaze to the stone floor, his mouth slightly open. His tongue searched for words that he knew that he would never find. His heart beat in rhythm with the redundant, circulating thoughts. The world seemed to fade away. Can't be... No. Can't be true. Not... Not our child. He blinked a few times as she finally admitted to losing the child. He wanted the tears to come, but they wouldn't. He wanted that relief, but... There was none to be found. Swallowing, he turned his gaze back to her, a clammy shaking hand reached for her own. What was he to do now when he had lost his child? ...Be there for the one that suffered the most through it.
Gathering up Mazzy in his arms, he simply held her. While this hurt him... He didn't have to carry the child. He didn't feel the weight in his stomach of a new life forming. Running a hand over the back of her head, he swayed a bit. "Don't be strong this time, Mazzy..." he whispered into her hair. "I'm here..." Closing his eyes, he breathed in her scent, needing it's familiarity to keep him strong; keep him there. Pressing kiss after kiss to whatever skin he could get his hands on, he continued to rock her. More words wanted to escape his lips, but he found that they were dying rather quickly in his throat.
Now wasn't the time to talk. Now was the time to grieve.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 8, 2010 1:32:06 GMT -6
I swear, child, you never smile... floated her mothers words through her head. It was a legitimate statement: Mazzy did not smile much at all unless Julian was around. And no matter what he said, whether it be some grand proclamation or some soft whispered affection or witty innuendo, she could roll her eyes and glare all she want, but it would all unfailingly end in a smile. She was struck, smitten, head over heels. She was in love...
Only a year ago... no, only really a few months ago she had been so terribly afraid of that word. Love... through all the books she ahd read, she had made her own evaluation of love, and had concluded it was special, nothing to be taken lightly. So many girls disappeared into stables with boys who said love and were crying with heartbreak a week later. Mazzy didn't want to be one of those girls... but Julian wasn't one of the men to do such things to her. For some reason, when he spoke of dreams and longings, she listened. And believed. Even if she did roll her eyes, if he said he wanted to grow wings and whisk her off to a new land to start a new kingdom from pumpkin seeds, she would laugh at his silliness but believe him. Usually, she would make a smart comment back to his comment on her innocence... which had not been wasted. Shy wasn't something usually used to describe Mazzy, but when it came to intimacy, she was terrible shy, and vulnerable. He took care of her, though... she trusted him.
She couldn't imagine giving up her innocence to anyone else. It was a side of her no one else could see but him. Maybe temptress was fitting... in a sense.
How she wanted to remind him... but this needed to be shared first, regretfully. She stared at the wall as she waited for a reaction. Together, they'd get through it... he'd said so himself. But that was before he had heard. Biting her lip, she started to stand so she could walk away, but he pulled her into his arms, and the instant he did she turned into a crying heap, clinging to him tightly as if someone was trying to drag her away by her feet. She was crying worse now than she had initially, when the news had first hit her. Her body shook with every sob, but she felt his hand on her head, his lips touching her skin with that softness she loved... he was wonderful. Don't be strong Mazzy, he had said... don't be strong. It was a wonderful relief...
Raising her head, she moved her head forward so one of kisses landed on her lips, drawing him closer to her as one hand pushed up through his hair again... she did love his hair. And his eyes... what if the baby had his eyes? They would have been such lovely eyes...
"I d-don't know... what I did wrong..." she said between soft sobs, her crying having died down to a more controlled level, "I'm so sorry I have disappointed you like that... I can't do anything right, I swear... and all I wanted was to make you happy. I thought maybe the baby... see I can't... say all the silly, crazy, beautiful things you say... I wish I could... I do love you, Julian, I hope you know it..."
All the things she was feeling was coming out in a jumble of an uncoordinated sentence, so she just gave up talking, shaking her head as she kissed him again, leaning her head on his strong chest. Julian was strong for her... even though he was hurting too, he was strong for her...
"Please, forgive me..." she whispered, closing her eyes and letting herself sink into the feeling of his arms again, letting herself forget. She needed to forget... the world was so cruel, so unfair. All she wanted was Julian. All she needed was Julian.
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,,
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 8, 2010 13:19:36 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] F O U R[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Oh, jeez. This is gonna suck. [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
The words that she spoke were blasphemy. She hadn't done anything wrong. He knew that. Even if he were a bitter man, he would know that she would have never done anything to endanger the babe that grew in her womb. He swallowed and shook his head, making small soothing noises meant to silence the insecurities that poured forth from her lips. He had read a great deal when he found out that Mazzy was pregnant. There were quite a few things that could have forced a miscarriage. She was four years his scenario, and was a smaller framed woman. Was it possible that at this current point in her life she couldn't carry a child? Or was it the stress that came from running around for her father all day? Too much physical strain could have easily led to her losing the child.
Julian damned himself. As soon as he got the news about her being with child, he should have gathered her up and forced her to remain still. He should have taken her to the castle, told his mother and his father about the truth of things. Then, told them that she was going to be staying with them, being treated like royalty until his child was born. From there, they would have had to figure out what to do, but... Julian was a stupid child; a fearful child. His fears of what his parents would say had kept him from finding Mazzy protection, because no matter which way they looked at this, Julian could have done something to stopped this all; he could have done something to protect her... Keep her safe from the monsters of this world, and from the horrors that could happen to good people.
What broke him was when she said that she couldn't show him how much she cared... and that the unborn child was going to be her way to prove to him just how in love she was. Grasping her face in his hands, he pressed his forehead to hers. His eyes widened as he searched her eyes. "Mazzy..." he whispered, pain in his voice, now more so than before. "I know that you love me in the way that I love you. You don't have to write me poems, or... say stupid silly things to get me to know that." He kissed her gently, attempting to force the tears away. "I can tell that you love me when you kiss me, or when you give me that begrudging smile after a horrid joke... Or just by the way you touch me. Wearing my favorite color at random, just because you know it's my favorite color." He swallowed and kissed her again. This time, desperation poured forth from his lips as his fingertips moved down to her arms, gently digging into her skin. "Never doubt that I know that." he whispered, his lips seeking hers once more.
Despite the fact that he craved to keep kissing her... Keep kissing all of the pain away, he couldn't do that. Not right now. Not yet, at least. Soon, they would be able to cling to each other in the way that they should be, but right now... His eyes moved to her stomach. He had seen it... There was no more glow on her skin; the glow of a woman carrying the child of the man that she loved. The glow of a mother... The star had burned out. Once more, pressing a light kiss to her lips, he shook his head. "Neither of us should be asking for forgiveness." he said, quietly. "This was simply an act of the Gods... And, neither of us are to blame." he said, hoping that would reassure her. "I promise you that, even though you needn't have asked, my forgiveness is yours, if there is any to give." Pulling her to him again, he pressed her face to his chest, needing to feel her there. With his face upon his breast, he could pretend that she needed him and it wasn't the other way around. This would simply be confirmation that she needed him and that he couldn't be weak right now. His time would come when he was alone with his thoughts.
He wished that this... were something that he could exact revenge on. Something that he could sink his blade into and punish for hurting the woman that he was so desperately in love with. But that wasn't the way that fate worked, unfortunately. Something told him that he was going to be training quite vigorously for quite some time before the sin of rage would be purged from his system.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 8, 2010 22:11:22 GMT -6
Despite the pain within her, his voice and his hold on her was already starting to heal the part of her heart that had broken from the news. While she no longer had their child, she still had him. He made her think positively, she realized. Since the child’s passing, she had done nothing but wallow in pity and shame and sorrow. Every cloud seemed like a rain cloud. But around him, she found herself counting her blessings, and her greatest blessing of all of course being him. She didn’t need to be up in his fancy castle, with large halls and lovely dresses and waking up beside him in a large comfortable bed with sheets made of something expensive and beautiful, like silk. Not that she didn’t imagine it all the time. Mazzy was a dreamer. On those wonderful days off, she would sit looking at the sun set, or on a lazy day sit by the river and watch it flow by as she daydreamed about impossible things. She thought of long gowns and dances and such… and felt awfully materialistic, but kept telling herself it wasn’t a crime to want nice things. Though he whole life, she fought to look like she didn’t. Pretty girls pranced down the streets in new dresses for the boys, but Mazzy would roll her eyes on them and walk on, not caring if the boys looked at her or not. Because she didn’t need all that. She never did… until she met Julian. She remembered there was a week’s period where he didn’t send her anything, even before they first secretly met, and she found herself swallowing back worry day by day a note or a flower failed to turn up. That was when she first started suspecting she had feelings for the prince.
Again, the kisses. Her eyes closed, and she slipped deep into that state in which she usually got into on their nights together, the vulnerable state where she let herself be held, let herself be touched, kissed, caressed, and let anything happen that he wanted. She was completely his at those moments. And she was so embarrassed when she got out of those states, because she was vulnerable. But around Julian… it seemed okay. Like she was allowed, encouraged to be vulnerable. Love was all about being vulnerable to someone, dropping your guard, showing yourself completely…
When he looked to her stomach, she wrapped her arms around herself, letting him hold her again as she leaned against him. All those things he had said, about how he knew he loved her… they were certainly comforting. She hadn’t really though the normal things, the small things were important at all. A kiss, an embrace… the girls did that in the streets, or behind stores so their mothers wouldn’t see. They did the same things Mazzy and Julian did. So, she felt as if she was doing nothing special. That, and he was such a dynamic individual, energetic, proclaiming things and telling his dreams left and right… so different from Mazzy. She often wondered how he could stand her eye rolling and sarcastic comments. Those two elements made her feel as if she wasn’t doing enough. Even with his words, she felt the need to do more. A sort of sign… maybe…
No… too early she thought, shaking her head. It was far too early for anything like that. While it was a good idea, the pain was too great… and if another loss happened, she didn’t know what she’d do. What Julian would do… it was better to wait.
Putting a hand on his chest, she sat in the moment of tender silence between them, closing her eyes to just enjoy the moment, then looked up at him, smiling.
“… Thank you… I was worried I’d disappoint you… I felt like such a failure“ she said, then slid her hand down his chest as she raised her head a bit, kissing him again. Those lips still made her dizzy.
“You know I… I’d do it all again. For you… another baby…” she said, as if in a daze, then blinked, the fogginess in her head from the kiss clearing as she realized what she said. Blushing, she sat up, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Not that I’m… asking. Only if its something you want… m-maybe its too early. Let’s not talk about it anymore, I’m sorry…”
Adjusting her dress, she took his hand in hers, holding it to her chest as she put her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes. All day, she’d had a bit of a headache from the stress… work seemed to have caught up to her, finally…
“You… how have you been lately?” she asked, trying to change the subject to cover her slip. “With you parents and… the things that go on at the palace. Is all well?”
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, subject change distraction! >.> lol
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 10, 2010 1:00:14 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] F I V E[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • :X Sorry for the mega long post! :X [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
Just as much as Mazzy needed to know that he was there and that he still loved her, he needed that from her as well. Would she hate him because her body had rejected his seed; their child? Would she hate him because he wasn't there when she needed him? If only Julian wasn't a Prince, he could have been by her side the entire time. He could have made sure that everything was alright, and saved her the heartache of losing their child. He would have doted on her; she wouldn't have lifted a finger. If her father wanted there to be deliveries made, he would have made sure to do her job as well as his own. Anything to make sure that something like this wouldn't have happened. Then again, there was no telling whether he would have been just as ignorant to the possibility of her losing the child if he weren't a noble. Would he have even known that rest and not straining herself would be good for the baby if he hadn't seen such things first hand? Or read of them? There were so many uncertainties.
What was the point of knowing ones mistakes if one didn't even know where the initial mistake was made? These thoughts were sure to drive him mad. Swallowing, he pushed his face into her hair and breathed in the familiar scent once again. His thumb rolled absently along her side. This silence... Was comforting to him. He didn't trust his voice to speak at the moment. Whatever words would escape his lips right now would be riddled with grief, and would do neither of them any good. She was in pain, his heart was breaking. They were both... They were both suffering right now. And from the looks of things right now, Mazzy wasn't physically doing as well as she could have been. He wondered if he should ask what was wrong, but he knew the answer; she had miscarried their child. Of course that would take a toll on her body. While he was not ignorant to the fact that she was sick, he figured that it would be best to not mention it. As much as it pained him not to show concern while she wasn't feeling as well as she possibly could have. Pressing his lips to her neck, he attempted to show her that he knew... Without saying a word. Silence was what they needed right now.
"How could you ever disappoint me?" he asked, this time, not bothering to hide the heartache in his voice. "You are many things to me, but a failure... a disappointment has never, and never will be one of them." he said, quietly. Moving a hand to rest on her cheek, he pressed his forehead against hers. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he attempted to breathe. He needed to breathe, lest he forget the words that he wanted to say... the feelings he wanted to get across to her. He pressed a light kiss to her lips. "You have never been and never will be... that." he said, the disgust at the idea starting to show clearly on his face. "If anything... I am the one that failed you." he said, quietly. Closing his eyes, he pressed his face into her shoulder. He would not elaborate on that. That was a topic that neither of them should be discussing right now. Not when the wounds were still so fresh, and the blade was still in their side.
Then she told him that she would do it all again for him... have another child. He pulled back, and searched her eyes, his face unreadable for the most part. There were too many emotions circling through him at the moment. Was he to tell her that he would love to have another child? What would happen if she miscarried again? Would her body be able to handle that? No, they'd have to wait. Miscarriages were more prominent in younger girls, from what he remembered. But that thought... That simple statement, gave him hope. He wanted, so desperately, to try again with her. To have that... child as a sign of their love made flesh. But, she was right, it was probably too soon to try again. No. It was too soon to try again. Far too soon. He needed to make sure that this wasn't going to happen again. And... He didn't quite know how he was going to do that. Not to mention, her body probably wouldn't support another child at the moment... Not even an act of intimacy either, he was certain. Swallowing, he pulled back to push his fingers through his hair. "Nothing would please me more than for you to be pregnant with my child once again, Mazzy. But you're right. We'll have to wait for a while." He took a deep breath and pressed his hand to her stomach, regretting all of the time that he could have spent doing such a thing. Rolling his thumb absently over the fabric of her dress, he bit his lip. "{color=242a1e]I... I want for nothing more in this world than to call you my wife... and have you be the mother to my children. I want a life with you, Mazzy. Please... don't ever forget that.
[/color]" As she took his hand and pressed it to her chest, he pressed his palm against her skin just wanting to feel her heart beat. His fingers curled slightly, holding his fist there for a moment, before letting his hand relax once more. If only he could feel anger... This would be easier. He had never felt so.. empty. So... hollow. When something like this happened, he craved for something to vent his rage on. It's funny how in times when he needed something like that the most, there was nothing to be found. Kissing her neck gently, he attempted to push those thoughts aside. Now, he was to be holding the woman that he loved more than anything... Holding her and making sure that she was alright. There would be a time and place for his emotions, and now was not that time. When she inquired about his life in the castle, he knew that she was attempting to change the subject. When a conversation was uncomfortable for Mazzy she tended to attempt to avoid it... Almost at all costs. But, he would oblige her. Just this once. " Things are well. Life is as hectic as it always is. Training and studying for me... Writing. What I do every day." He said, pressing his back to the wall. Pulling her closer, he allowed his fingers to absently move through her hair. Taking a deep breath, he looked up toward the ceiling of the cave, wondering about what else she might need to be filled in on. " I haven't seen Thalia in quite some time. Which, as you can imagine, is why there is a smile on my face." he said, forcing a rather comical looking grin before chuckling. He pressed another light kiss to her lips before resting his head back against the wall. " As far as everything else... Something seems to be off with Dacia. I feel as though she is hiding something. Pollux is... Well, Pollux; little brat that he is. As far as I'm aware, mother and father are doing well as well. They are both so busy, however, it's difficult to get a true gauge." he sighed, allowing his fingers to pick up a stray curl absently. Toying with it, he looked down at her, a warm smile on her lips. " And what of you? Your family? Has your father's business been doing well? Tell me everything. I wish to know..." In truth, he wanted to hear if she had been working too hard while she was pregnant. Although, he was attempting to be subtle. Was it working? [/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/i][/color][/size][/font] 1 , 3 2 1[/ul][/ul][/ul] |
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Post by mazzy on Oct 10, 2010 20:05:48 GMT -6
Disappointment.
It was a word she well knew, interestingly enough, and had heard all her life. Her mother would scold her contently: not that she was hateful or anything, but she was always trying to push Mazzy to be her best, but sometimes her way of doing so was harsh. She would go on and on about how much of a disappointment her daughter was if she arrived a few minutes late for dinner because a delivery was slow, or how disappointed she was that she wouldn't sit up straight enough or be more ladylike and proper.
"You'll never catch a man that way, dear. Who's want to marry someone who can't sit up straight and proper" she would always say, shaking her head and going back to her work. Well, apparently Julian did. Not that she was completely inappropriate or anything. Her posture was good, not perfect but good, and she chewed with her mouth closed and never burped out loud or wiped her mouth with her hand around people. But her mother was always pushing for her to be like the ladies in court who seemed so prefect and prim. She saw them sometimes, riding in carriages down the streets. Sometimes, she envied them. How pretty their dresses and hair looked... and they never had to lift a finger. And Mazzy would watch them pass, feeling ugly and lowly because she was carrying meat. Things weren't horrible for her family: they could be worse off, for sure. She had nice things... but she could never own a pretty lace gown with matching gloves and pretty curly hair.
His voice made her grip his hand tighter. Of course... Julian was hurting too. She felt selfish and embarrassed, as if she had been taking the pain all for her own. But there was more to it. It wasn't only her child. There were two people involved in having a baby, so it was as much his loss as hers. She needed to hold him up, too. She held the kiss that he gave, looking at him with a frown when he said he had failed her. How she couldn't imagine... but he didn't give much time for her to ask.
His hand on her stomach brought a small wave of fresh tears. Being reminded someone as wonderful as Julian loved someone as insignificant as her tended to... just the thought of it. Who was she? Mazzy, the butcher's daughter. What was her importance in the world compared to a prince of an entire kingdom, said prince someday inheriting the kingdom, and Mazzy being a minuscule part of that kingdom. The fact that they had even met was crazy. The fact that they had fallen for each other, and he went out of his way to send her little reminders of his love and sneaked to see her, was a miracle. A blessing. He was a blessing, bestowed on her for some reason higher than her understanding. For who, really, was Mazzy?
The love of Julian's life... she thought, with a slight smile. Hearing him say "wife" always made her fall silent. Being Julian's wife was... a scary thought. Not that she didn't want it. There wasn't a day that went by that she wished they didn't have to hide, and could be together. But he was still a prince: that wouldn't change. There was no way his family could approve of that... butchers wife. Oh yes, that was on every man's list for the perfect woman, first requirement. She was a last pick sort of girl... not meant for a prince. So she had mixed feelings about marriage... but all inconveniences aside, the thought of being Julian's wife was a pleasant one, as was bearing his children and waking up to see him every morning, saying "Good morning". While it would become routine after a few years... it was a routine she did not at all mind. Most girls she knew were afraid of settling down because that would force them to commit and lock you down with that person. That was something Mazzy found herself longing for.
Love... it was half a beat from being insane, she told herself often.
Hearing Thalia's name made her bite her tongue. She never liked hearing about her. Before, she has asked Julian what she looked like... she was beautiful, from the sounds of it. Probably wearing pretty dresses and reading in gardens and walking around with men watching her every step, admiring her. While she was confidant in Julian's love for her, she often wondered if the other girl's beauty might win him over, if he ever tired of her. It was a thought she would quickly wipe away and deny... but there was always that lingering fear, and jealousy. She got to see him all the time. Mazzy had to almost fight to see him.
"She's a little girl, they're always hiding something at her age" she said, with a light laugh. When he inquired of her well being, she quieted a moment, her smile fading away. She cleared her thoat, snuggling closer against him and looking straight ahead at the colors on the wall across from them.
"Well..." she said, her fingers trailing absently up and down his arm, "We've been quiet busy lately. People are stocking up on food, you know... having to do a lot more deliveries. Father's good, except that cough hasn't gone away still from mid-summer... he won't rest, bless him..."
She said this with a frown. Her father had been weakening before her eyes, and refused to admit it, though her mother said she saw it as well. And her mother was becoming more bitter because of it, because of worry. lately, she had noticed the amount of love between them, starting from when she and Julian had admitted their love to each other. She had watched them, they having been together almost twenty years now, and how they still showed affection to each other. Mazzy often worried that once he was used to her physical features, her face, her body... he would tire of her. Her smile, sneaking to see each other, their intimacy. Why didn't people tire of each other, she wondered, and what about love made things last? Watching her parents had helped with that, and she saw those same things in the relationship she had with Julian. Like how they enjoyed their more playful and intimate times, they didn't constantly need them. They had other things to talk about, and laughed together... and while Julian was very physical, there was so much more to him, and their relationship... it was how her parents were, except neither were very physical, and always busy.
"Its been good, the business, though... just a lot of work... things are all right, though. I've been kept busy, so theres not time for much else. Missed a gathering of young people not long ago, but even if I wasn't busy, I wouldn't have gone anyways" she said, with a shrug, thinking of how much she had been throwing up in the past week. That should have been a sign, though she has assumed it was only the baby. But one day, she had gone to the pond to throw up, and ended up waking up at dusk, hours later, having fainted. That was three days before the miscarriage happened... if only she had known it was a sign. And she had been weak... but Mazzy had assumed it was only the baby. But even now the weakness from her work was lingering with her. Of course, she held herself strong. She had to, to make her parents think nothing was wrong, and to avoid worrying Julian. That was the last thing she wanted to do... which was why she left that part out.
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, ...okay soooooooo..... you really don't have to read all that. i got carried away. cuz i kept getting called by my dad. so i kept thinking i had a lot more words to go... i'm sorry T.T
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 11, 2010 3:44:14 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] S I X[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • This is really evil of me, but... If she reacts the wrong way, there can totally be room for relationship drama. :3 [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
Had Julian known that such thoughts passed through Mazzy's mind, he might have shook her. He wanted her to know that he loved her and only her. Thalia was... Nothing to him. She had never been anything, and never would be. While Thalia was a beautiful woman that most men would gladly have grace their beds, Julian knew that they all knew... That they would be hard-pressed to find a single man that would be willing to have grace their hearts. She was a callow woman, incapable of truly feeling anything for anyone but herself. All that mattered were the pretty lace that adorned her body and the delicate jewels that hung from her limbs. Julian fancied her not. She was... grating, to say the least. What Mazzy was to him, however... By the Gods, she was stunning. Remarkable in every capacity. The will that he found in her... the fighting spirit was something that he knew that he would never find in a noble lady. They were beaten into submission at a young age, and told to act 'properly'. They became so wrapped up in their own vanity that they were incapable of seeing anything outside of themselves. The world didn't matter, so long as it was still able to support their need for the finer things in life. Love didn't matter, so long as the man that they had grown dependent on would always be there to buy them the things that they wanted. Their hearts knew nothing of true love. Perhaps, every royal, and every noble should find someone that wasn't blessed with the good fortune that they were to take into their hearts, because this... What he shared with Mazzy was the most beautiful thing he could have ever hoped to experience in this life. This love was the air that he breathed. Without her, he would choke on his own tongue and flowery words.
But, alas, he couldn't read her mind, therefore, he didn't know that such thoughts were flitting through her mind. However, it was probably for the best. Julian sometimes (only sometimes mind you =P) was a very sensitive man when it came to the way that he treated others. The idea of hurting someone that he cared about inadvertently, or even with just the simple fact that they didn't bother to ask him how he felt on certain things, hurt him greatly. The idea of hurting Mazzy? Well, his heart would break at the suggestion. With fingers absently moving through her hair, he found that his thoughts were wandering to the other things that were going on in the castle. Right now, there were quite a few things that had been bothering him lately. He wished not to speak on such things. Even though, he knew that it was hypocritical to expect Mazzy to tell him everything, when he was seemingly incapable of doing the same for her. The difference was that Julian hadn't just miscarried a child. Whatever Mazzy was going through was ten times worse than the situations that he found shoved a pin into his royal tush. So, he remained silent about the things that were bothering him, without giving them even a second thought. When Mazzy said that Dacia was a young girl and that they were all hiding things at that age, he frowned. "That doesn't really make me feel any better. Are you saying that I should learn to expect this kind of behavior from my sister?" It was obvious that the idea bothered him. Julian spent a lot of time with his siblings, when his parents couldn't. While his parents were off running the Kingdom, he was busy... Almost raising them. Raising them, at least, in the way that only a wet nurse could have raised a child. But the difference was that Julian had known his siblings from the time that they were babes, and genuinely held love in his heart for both of them. Pollux on somedays, however... Well, somedays, he doubted whether he could truly hold an ounce of compassion toward the child. Then remembered that they were blood, and quickly pushed aside those nasty thoughts. "I care not for that idea." he grumbled under his breath, a half pout on his lips.
The conversation then turned to Mazzy and the butchery. He nodded, watching her very closely. The frown on her brow caused him to stiffen slightly, but he quickly relaxed when her fingers started to move up and down his arm. The thought of anything else bothering Mazzy was... Well, it was agonizing to him. He wanted her to be happy. The frown that she wore on her lips wasn't his Mazzy. His Mazzy was always smiling, always laughing... Or scowling. This look... it caused worry to take a hold of him before he could truly tell himself to calm down. As soon as she started to speak, however, he started to relax. He realized, then, that what was bothering him the most was the fact that some of these things, he just simply didn't know. If only he could find a way to write letters to her every day, and have her write one in return... That way, he would know what was going on, and wouldn't have to be left in the dark the way that he had been. Rage boiled in his veins as he cursed his heritage and his current plight in life. If only Mazzy realized that he would give up everything that he had just to be with her... Clearing his throat, he adjusted so that he could relax more comfortable against the cave wall. Pressing a kiss to the back of her head, he nodded slowly. The news of her father was.. unsettling. He didn't know her father well, but he knew Mazzy. And if there was one thing to be said about her, she was stubborn. It stood to reason that she would have had to have gotten it from somewhere. "What if I were to send a physician to him?" he asked, his dark eyes locking on hers for a moment. "After all, he is... The Murkrule's favorite butcher. We would hate to have anything happen to him." he said, smiling coyly. Julian hadn't the faintest idea as to whether Mazzy had ever told her parents directly about the two of them. Even their friendship was something that wasn't open. But... He could easily make it seem as though the Murkrule family just didn't want something bad to happen to the man that provided the best meet to his family... Right?
Julian had to swallow a hard lump in his throat. Someday, he would make it so that no one that was blood to Mazzy would ever have to work again. As soon as she was his wife. In truth, he had never realized how she grew quiet whenever he made mention of such things. He was generally off in his little dream world at that point, content to live with the idea that Mazzy would be willing to play such a part in his life. Had he the faintest idea of any doubts? No. But, one of his more grating traits was that he was so determined to marry her that sometimes that would be all he could talk about... Like a lovesick teenage girl who keeps spotting a man, but never catching his name. That was the way that Julian was sometimes. "When you are my Queen, and my wife, I promise you love that you shall never have to lift a finger again, unless you so choose to. As will the rest of your family! I'll make sure that they'll become nobles! And you'll never have to work so hard as to miss a social gathering. In fact, I would throw several in your honor whenever you so willed it." he grinned, taking her hand in his own. He lowered his lips to his knuckles, keeping her eyes locked on hers this time.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 11, 2010 16:35:07 GMT -6
The feel of his fingers in her hair was highly comforting. She imagined it was how a cat must feel or something, and when he had first started doing it, tensed up, feeling awkward. But back then, intimacy of any kind always made her feel awkward, and she was reluctant to participate in any physical contact. Her parents, while loving, had never really been affectionate people. Mazzy didn't get a kiss before going off for her daily chores, and she didn't give them hugs when she got home. Not that they didn't care... it just wasn't something they often did. Even now, Mazzy wasn't the first to hug Julian, or kiss him or display affection, but she felt he made up for both of them. Not that she didn't do it at all: today, she needed him, so she had been a bit more affectionate than usual. But she would kiss his cheek or take his hand and give it a squeeze... small things. Probably insignificant things, but they were special moments to her.
While she she didn't have any siblings, Mazzy knew enough young girls the age of Julian's sister were starting to develop into young ladies, and often hid many things from their parents. Even she had been there, but not in an extreme way by any means, she had her little secrets as well. His position on the matter was no surprise either. What brother, royal or not, didn't worry about what their little sisters were keeping from them? And if he was anything to his siblings like he was with her, he was pretty protective, and always checking up to make sure everything's fine in every aspect. His sister keeping a part of herself from him was understandable from her side, but stressful from his. So, she decided not to comment on it, and only smiled at his pout. She gently nuzzled at his neck for a silent sign of reassurance, resting her head there and closing her eyes again, fingers continuing to brush against his arm.
Since her crying session had ended, all emotion felt as if it had abandoned her. All she felt was hollow, emptiness, and loss. Her eyes stayed trained on nothing, and while her fingers were moving still against his arm in an affectionate manner, her mind was elsewhere until he locked eyes with her, and she was pushed back into the conversation, nodding as she gathered up everything she could remember from what he had said.
"Um... yes. Perhaps he should see one... have one see him, I mean. He won't go to anyone for help... maybe your physician can talk some sense into him..."
Her mother was always complaining about how alike she and her father were, complaining because she had two stubborn people do deal with. Her father was more quiet and peaceful than Mazzy, who could be driven to a rage if prodded to enough, while her father remained calm, and quiet, and level headed. She admired that trait about him, and often wished she didn't lose her temper so much. But that was something her mother has passed on, the dramatic side of her. And it flared when Julian mentioned their future together as a married coupe.
It wasn't that Mazzy was opposed to the idea of marriage to Julian, because she wasn't at all. What set her off was the fear that came along with the idea, and the fact that he said "when". Not if only. Not maybe. When, as if he was final and serious about it. That fanned her fears, and she pulled her hand from his as she felt them starting to tremble... from weakness, most likely. It had not escaped her that her hands tended to shake a bit more often lately.
"J-Julian, let's... let's be reasonable here, can we?" she said, irritation creeping into her voice. Like her mother, all negative emotions drove her to seem more angry. When she was upset, she looked angry. When she was sad, she looked angry. When she was afraid, it turned to anger, more irritation at herself for the inability to wrap her mind around the concept of marrying him. Marrying Julian, a prince. Who was engaged.
"You... look, you're parents will not approve. I don't even know if my parents will... but they are loyal to the king, so they won't allow it. And... Julian, I don't think its so wise to be so set on marriage right now its too silly and far fetched of a dream... there are obstacles..."
The fear rose, and Mazzy found herself standing, unable to sit anymore with the panic rising in her chest. She hugged herself, turning away from him to face the mouth of the cave.
"I... as much as I wish we could be together forever and such... Julian, can we really do it? Its not like we can..."
She stopped herself. Run away... That thought was scary in itself, and she was afraid to put it into Julian's head. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she looked back at him, eyes hurt and red from crying, hugging herself to try to replace the emptiness being out of his arms created. Never having to work and social gatherings sounded fun in some respects, but they danced around her head, taunting and continuing to fan her fears. The deep, lingering fear that one day... she and Julian as one would have to stop. The deep fear that he would be made to marry Thalia, and Mazzy would be left out in the cold... killed if someone found out. But she didn't instill these fears in him. He had some crazy answer for everything... a crazy beautiful answer that would surely wrap her in a wonderful fantasy and calm her down. But she didn't want to calm down. Fear wouldn't let her.
"... Let's be honest, Julian" she said, her voice calm but her tone dark and gloomy, "If your parents found out that I was having your child... that we have been seeing each other a year and have been in love like this... what would happen to me? We can't.... dance around these things anymore. The baby... losing the baby, rather, put reality into prospective for me. I've been thinking a lot... They'll kill me, won't they, Julian?"
Looking up into his eyes, she took a step closer to him, pleading with her with her gaze to be honest with her. She needed the honesty. Maybe... as much as she hated the idea... they needed to separate. Maybe losing the baby was a sign, and they couldn't do this anymore. Maybe their happy little world of love had to end.
"Won't they?" she repeated, then looked to her feet, letting more tears slip down her face in silence.
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, dun-dun-DUN! scaary  ...oh drama <3
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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Post by julian on Oct 12, 2010 4:49:12 GMT -6
[/i][/color][/size][/font] S E V E N[/ul][/ul][/ul] ✖ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▄▄[/color] ▇ ▇ T H E F O R M [/font][/color][/size] [/font][/color] The Enchanted Forest • Tags • Mazzy, the Lover • Inspiration • " The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New • Notes • Julian is so not happy.  Bwahahaha! [/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul][/ul]
"I don't think that you need to worry about your father listening to our physician." he chuckled. For one thing, if her father were to deny help from the royal family, it would look really bad on his part. Which, of course, a business man did not want to anger the most powerful family in their Realm. For another, the physician that Julian was contemplating sending to her father was an incredibly stern man. If there was only one person in this world that even Pollux would cow down to, it was the stern doctor. Very rarely did a smile cross his lips. Generally, when it did, it meant that you were going to be smacked in the back of the head for doing something stupid with your health. Perhaps, that was why his mother and his father loved him so dearly. "If your father doesn't care enough about his health, this physician will make him." he said, smiling soothingly, his fingers moving over her cheek. He wanted to kiss her again, but knew that his affections were well received just... Well, she wasn't used to a man as physical as he. And truth be told, he wasn't used to being as physical as he was with her. Something about her... Just made him want to touch her. Perhaps, it was because he equated showing how he felt for her when he touched her. Or maybe, it's because, now that he had the ability to see her, he wanted to memorize everything so that he could remember while they were apart. From the way that she smiled, to the way that she smelled, to the way that she tasted. He wanted to remember everything. Finally, letting his need to be affectionate get the best of him, he leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss. "I will see what I can do as soon as I return home." he said. "You should expect to see him around tomorrow." Giving her a small reassuring smile, he pressed his forehead against hers. He knew that she worried... And this was something that she needn't worry about. Not when he could handle it.
No sooner as the words of marriage escaped his lips did Mazzy pull away from him. He threw out his arms, silently asking just what he had done to cause her to pull away from him. But, before he had a chance to implore, she began to tell him what was going through her mind. She wanted him to be rational? He bit back his anger, but his face darkened considerably. Was she shunning him now? Was she shunning him because her body couldn't support his seed? Was she angry with him because of all of this? Yes, this was partially his fault. Yes, he should have been there, and shouldn't have been putting her through the strain of worrying about him, or the strain of worrying about the child, and work, and all of the other things that she had to worry about. He should have been there every step of the way. When she would go to lift something up, he was supposed to grab it from her and do it himself. This was the time in his and her life together that he was supposed to be treating her as a Queen. Not as some... meat carrying stranger. Frowning, he dragged his gaze up to her, his mind working far faster than the words that were escaping her lips. He wished that his own thoughts could drown out the sound of her words. He wished that he could get her to silence her tongue... Bark orders at her like Pollux did at the staff. But, that wasn't the way that relationships worked, and she wasn't going to silence herself, just because he didn't want to hear what it was that she had to say. So, he bit his tongue, and remained silent to let her speak.
That is, until she stood. She wrapped her arms around herself... something that Julian had noticed was a sign of her needing strength... Of her feeling weak. He clenched his jaw, and looked to the side. Julian had always been very good about holding his temper, but... In certain cases, he had taken a leaf out of Mazzy's book. It was easier to be angry than to be hurt. At least, that was what his mind was telling him at this very instant. I... as much as I wish we could be together forever and such... Julian, can we really do it? It's not like we can... Something in Julian snapped. Something inside of him simply... resigned. The thought of holding his anger down and keeping his temper in check was a distant memory of a time when he had been composed. Right now? He was far from composed. In fact, he was so far gone, he wasn't too sure if he would ever be able to regain it. But the frightening part? He stood there, his fists balling into fists. His nostrils flared in indignation as his eyes locked on hers. There was no hatred, simply anger. Anger at the lunacy of the words that were coming out of her lips. He swallowed, and dared not move. His tongue danced behind his lips, yearning to be unleashed to say something... Anything. But... For some reason, he couldn't. The rage that she had unleashed in him was all consuming. He was afraid to do... anything. Even breathe at this point.
The last question... The last question got him. Moving swiftly toward her, he grabbed her roughly by the elbows and pulled her to him. "You talk to me like I'm a daydreaming child, when words of equal grandeur and falsities leave your lips." he growled. "My parents are good people. While they may not condone, they would never kill someone, because they fell in love." There was hurt in his tone. Do people... Really think that about his family? He had always seen his father as a good ruler, a kind ruler. The Murkrule family was just not corrupt. "If you don't want to marry me, all you have to do is say so, Maz." he said, releasing her. He turned his back on her, his hand moving nervously through his hair. Caustic words, like venom, simmered on his tongue. He daren't let them slip, either. No. He had to calm himself. Calm down the aching in his breast. "I love you, Mazzy. And I know there are obstacles. Anything that one wants has obstacles in the way. But I refuse to stop fighting for this." he said, slowly turning on his heel to face her. "I can't give up on this." he said, swallowing. There was fear, for the first time on his face, as he realized that she.. might be trying to leave him. Walking up to her, he grabbed her face in his hands and pushed her tears away with his thumbs. Kissing her heatedly, he prayed to whatever deity was listening that she would see his love for her in his kiss... How far he was willing to go for her. If he were to lose her... He'd lose his heart. His everything.
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Post by mazzy on Oct 12, 2010 21:00:01 GMT -6
Her sudden speech may have been sudden and dramatic, but it also served as a wake up call for Mazzy as well. She had been floating around in her own little happy world, baffled day by day at how such a dream had become a reality, walking through that dream in a sleepy daze. But she finally stopped falling, and hit ground, and it hurt. As much as she wanted to be positive and nod and smile along to the plans he professed each time they saw each other of one day living their lives together, she couldn’t do it anymore. These fears had been suppressed too long, and had grown to the point of panic. Reality scared her, but she found herself submerged in it now, and unable to escape. Her breathing has escalated as she stared at her feet, trying to compose herself, to stop crying and look strong and take a stand for her words… but not even she believed them. In truth, Mazzy knew that if there was a will there was a way when it came to Julian, and if he wanted to marry her then he was going to do everything in his power to get them there until they said their “I do”s. The doubt was really in herself. She doubted in herself being as strong as he was, as crazy as he was to chase such a far off dream.
Throughout her talk, she had noticed the tension growing between them, the anger Julian slowly started to display, first subtly, but it grew to a clearly visible sign. But she had kept going, and she predicted the final snap seconds before it happened. She saw it, the change in expression when he stood and approached her. She took a few rushed steps back out of habit as he came towards her, but allowed herself to be grabbed. Again, out of instinct because she whole heartedly knew that he would never hurt her. She trusted that with all her heart. Even with the tight grip on her elbows and the low growl in his voice she knew he would never strike her. Mazzy was different in that way as well. Mazzy had hit him, not hard, but still hit him out of irritation, and had gotten into a throwing fit or two while he was around. Nothing too harmful, but she was the one with the temper problems out of the two of them.
She realized the weight of her words when he mentioned his family. Of course… they were very good people. Mazzy had just assumed that they wouldn’t let a commoner like herself get into the way of the royal family and ruin their royal blood. Or corrupt their son. Not that they were bad people… she was sure that if they did kill or something like that, they had their sons best interests in mind. But who was she to another commoner in the eyes of a king? She just felt as if she would be in the way, and had not meant that his parents were bad people. The lowly outlook of a peasant just stuck with her, even with the love of a prince to back her up.
If you don’t want to marry me, all you have to do is say so Maz…
[/b] Her eyes grew wide, and she froze, staring in silence as he released her, watching him walk away. Is that what he thought? That she didn’t want to? There was fear in his voice as he spoke the last of his words, a fear she felt burning with the empty part of her stomach where a child once was… he wanted to fight for her. She knew that. But he thought she didn’t want him. Did he assume she was only playing along to have bragging right that she had been bedded by the prince? Did he think she didn’t care, didn’t love him, didn’t take him seriously? Those thoughts, whether true or not, plagued her mind now. When he approached her again, her mouth opened, the words strained by the lump in her throat. “Julian… you… I would never… you mean…”But he kissed her. And she melted against him as she usually did, clinging to his shirt with her fingers as her mind got swept up once again. He loved her… he loved her so much, and she knew it. Never in her life had she known someone as passionate and honest, and if he said he loved her and would find a way past the obstacles that social hierarchy put between them, she believed it. It was the confidence in herself, in if she could do it, fight as hard and be as strong as he, that held her back. Pulling back slightly so their lips parted, she blinked a few times to clear her head from its momentary high, gathering her words so she could speak more clearly than the babble she’d produced before. “Listen… I… I know it, Julian…” she said, softly, her lips brushing his a moment as she closed her eyes, bowing her head, “I suppose I’m just afraid… you’ll have to forgive me, I’m not as strong as you…”Her hand came up to touch his face as she looked into his eyes… those eyes. Kind eyes, filled with passion. How could she look into those eyes and not see love? “I love you, too, and… I really do want to marry you. I do, and I know it because that’s something I was never reluctant to do… but it plagues my mind, every day because I want it so bad, and it scares me… I… like I said, I’m not as strong as you…”Her fingers pushed through his hair, a faint smile touching her lips before she bowed her head again. “Why would your parents allow me to marry you, though? I guess that’s my only concern… what am I to them? I never want to stop fighting either, but I feel so… so weak…”Speaking of weak… her legs were starting to tremble, along with her fingers as she pulled them from his face, taking a step back out of his arms as she used the wall to sit. Thanks to her panic, she had worked herself up to affect herself physically, and dizziness was taking over, making her head feel light. She sat, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes to stop the swimming world before her. “I really do want to be with you forever, Julian. I swear it and I know that… I’m not the best at showing it, like you do. But I really, really do… please, never doubt that… I'm just afraid...”It was surprising how much hearing him suspect she didn’t want to marry him hurt. The words had burned her, and she felt horrible for scaring him like that. But her eyes stayed closed, and she rubbed her temples a bit, trying to work the dizziness and lightness away. She hated this… looking weak. She hated being the weak one… [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center] WORDS,, 1182 (i was unlazy)
TAGGED,, julian!
OUTFIT,, CLICK
NOTES,, d'awwww 
TEMPLATE,, by PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION |
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...oh drama <3
Bwahahaha!